So, you’re diving into the world of swinging, where adventure, connection, and plenty of spicy fun await. But, before you grab your favorite stilettos or tailored button-down, let’s get one thing straight – the swinging lifestyle is as much about etiquette as it is about excitement. Yes, you want to have a great time, but you don’t want to be the couple that people avoid like bad karaoke at a wedding.
To save you from awkward encounters, missteps, and eye rolls from seasoned swingers, here are the top 7 tips you should avoid like your ex’s Instagram feed. Let’s keep it classy, people!
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
Don’t Skip the Research
Swinging is not just a “let’s wing it” type of adventure—it’s a whole vibe with its own rules, etiquette, and culture. Walking into a swingers’ club or party without knowing the basics is like showing up to a black-tie gala in yoga pants. Trust me, it’s not cute.
What to do instead:
Read up! Blogs, swinger podcasts, and forums are your new best friends. Learn the lingo, understand the dynamics, and know what to expect. Being informed makes you look confident and approachable.
Don’t Assume Everyone’s Interested
Look, swinging isn’t an all-you-can-eat swinger buffet where you grab whatever catches your eye. Consent is king (or queen), and assuming someone is into you just because they smiled is a rookie mistake.
What to do instead:
Be polite, start a conversation, and gauge interest. If they’re not feeling it, thank them for chatting and move on gracefully. Swinging is about mutual attraction, not pressure.
Don’t Forget to Discuss Boundaries (Beforehand!)
Nothing kills the mood faster than one partner diving into the deep end while the other is clinging to the edge, wide-eyed and panicking. Swinging requires clear boundaries before the action begins.
What to do instead:
Have a heart-to-heart with your partner about what you’re comfortable with—soft swap, full swap, or just dipping your toes into the scene.
Don’t Be the Overeager Party Crasher
We get it, you’re excited! But barging into conversations, lingering too long, or coming on too strong is a one-way ticket to awkward-ville. Swinging is about vibes, and desperation isn’t one of them.
What to do instead:
Take it slow, mingle naturally, and let connections happen organically. Confidence is sexy, but overbearing energy? Not so much.
Don’t Neglect Hygiene and Presentation
This one should be obvious, but here we are. Swingers’ clubs and parties are not casual Friday at the office. Showing up looking (or smelling) like you just rolled out of bed is a major faux pas.
What to do instead:
Dress to impress, shower like your life depends on it, and pack a little swinger’s kit—mints, deodorant, and other essentials. A little effort goes a long way in setting the right tone.
Don’t Ignore Club or Event Rules
Every club or party has its own rules, from dress codes to phone policies to no-means-no policies. Ignoring these is the quickest way to get a one-way ticket out the door.
What to do instead:
Read the rules and respect them. Whether it’s leaving your phone in a locker or waiting for the undressing song (looking at you, Flirt Club in Rome!), following the guidelines shows respect for the space and the people in it.
Don’t Forget to Communicate Afterward
You had a night of fun, but what happens next? Skipping the post-play chat with your partner can lead to bottled-up feelings, misunderstandings, or jealousy.
What to do instead:
Debrief! Share what you loved, anything that felt off, and how you’re feeling overall. This keeps your connection strong and ensures you’re both on the same page for next time.
💋 Happy swinging!
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
No-kissing rule: The boundary that keeps lips locked and emotions in check, ensuring that swinging stays strictly physical and drama-free. A boundary established within some swinging dynamics or encounters, prohibiting kissing to maintain emotional detachment and minimize potential complications.
Baby swinger: Newbie swingers just dipping their toes into the tantalizing pool of pleasure, eager to explore and learn the ropes of the swinging lifestyle.