The swinging lifestyle is fabulous when you connect with the right people, but these red flags can turn your night into a disaster. Trust your gut, set your boundaries, and remember: you’re here for fun, not foolishness. Keep it classy, sassy, and stress-free. Now go forth and swing smart! All this and more in our most recent episode of the Vanilla Swingers podcast.
1. “Bi-Comfortable” = Bi for My Guy
Let’s decode this one: she says she’s “bi-comfortable” or “bi-receptive,” but let’s be real—she’s straight and doing it for her man. At best, you are her experiment. A truly bisexual woman will sniff out this lukewarm vibe faster than you can say, “No thanks.” Bi isn’t a party trick—it’s a vibe, and tepid responses just don’t cut it.
2. Spicing Up a Marriage = Recipe for Disaster
If they drop the “We’re here to spice up our marriage” line, RUN. That’s code for “We’re using you as a band-aid for our crumbling relationship.” Spoiler alert: You’re not Dr. Phil, and their drama isn’t your problem.
3. Newbie Drama: A Double-Edged Sword
We love the excitement and fresh perspective newbies bring to the lifestyle—when they’re ready to jump in with open minds and good vibes. But let’s be honest, newbie territory can come with challenges like jealousy, overthinking, or unbalanced motives. It’s all part of the learning curve, so be patient—but don’t hesitate to step away if their energy starts feeling more dramatic than dynamic.
Swinging 101 - Newbie Tips
4. Group Chats from Hell
You think, “Yay! Group chat! How convenient!” But suddenly, it’s raining unsolicited dk pics and awkward gifs. Boundaries? None. If a chat feels more like a free-for-all than a place to connect, it’s time to hit that “Leave Group” button faster than you can say, “No thanks.”
5. Bad Photos Are a Buzzkill
The swinging lifestyle isn’t Tinder, but photos still matter. Red flags include:
- Just the wife, no hubby: Are we hiding something, sir?
- Fake or outdated pics: If your photos scream “2007 MySpace,” no one’s buying it.
- Weird angles: If I can’t tell if it’s a person or a blurry sock puppet, it’s a no.
- Excessive nudity: We get it—you have body parts. Save it for later, Romeo.
Let’s keep it classy. A little mystery is hot; too much exposure is not.
6. Filters? Honey, No.
Nothing screams catfish like an overly filtered pic. If you look like a Pixar character in your profile photo, we’re going to have trust issues. Show us the real you, pores and all.
7. Too Many Boundaries = Buzzkill
Boundaries are important, but when the rules list reads like the U.S. Constitution, it’s a sign they’re not ready. If it feels like you need a law degree to navigate their restrictions, it’s time to swipe left IRL.
8. The Ol’ “Bait and Switch”
Picture this: You’re ready for a steamy night, and suddenly one of them is “too sick to come.” Convenient, huh? If this happens once, maybe it’s bad luck. Twice? You’ve been played, babe. Don’t fall for it.
9. Fakes, Flakes, and Pic Collectors
Oh, the trifecta of wasted time:
- Fakes: All talk, no show.
- Flakes: Cancel 10 minutes before the meet-up with excuses like “My dog needs emotional support.”
- Pic Collectors: They ask for 100 photos but won’t send even one in return. No ma’am, this isn’t OnlyFans.
Set boundaries early and stick to them. Ain’t nobody got time for nonsense.
10. Zero Profile Effort
If their profile is blanker than my face during a boring Zoom meeting, it’s a no. If they can’t be bothered to write two sentences about themselves, why should you invest your precious time?
11. Dom/Sub Dynamics for Newbies = Danger Zone
Dom/sub play can be fun, but if you’re new to swinging, it’s a red flag. These dynamics require trust, communication, and experience. If you’re still figuring out your comfort zone, don’t let anyone pressure you into advanced-level stuff. Stick to the basics, boo.
12. Unicorn Hunters: Proceed with Caution
When couples are looking for a “unicorn”—a single woman to join them—things can get sticky. If they treat you like an object, not a person, bounce. Unicorns are magical, not disposable.
13. Too Much Scripted Play Talk
Some profiles read like bad erotica: “First, we’ll meet at 8:03 PM. Then, you’ll wear red lingerie, and we’ll…” STOP. Swinging is about organic connections, not following a script. If it feels too rehearsed, it’s probably a pass.
PRO TIP: Keep Meet-and-Greets Quick
Let me save you some time: Make meet-and-greets fast and casual. Coffee, drinks, or even a quick chat at a bar. 30 minutes max!! If the vibes are off, you can dip without wasting a whole evening. No pressure, no awkwardness, no regrets.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Bi: Loving all the flavors on the rainbow, because why limit yourself to just one gender when there’s a whole buffet of options? Short for bisexual, describing individuals who are attracted to people of more than one gender.
Bi-curious: Dipping a toe into the bi pool, exploring the tantalizing possibilities of attraction beyond the binary. These individuals who are questioning or exploring their potential attraction to people of the same gender or multiple genders.
Bi-receptive: Ready and willing to receive love and pleasure from partners of any gender, because chemistry knows no bounds! This individual is open to receiving romantic or sexual attention from partners of any gender, irrespective of one’s own gender identity.
Catfishing: The art of deception in the digital dating pool—when someone creates a fake persona to lure you in with sweet words and seductive pics, only to reveal they’re not who they say they are. Proceed with caution, folks—what you see isn’t always what you get!
Dead bedroom: When your love life flatlines—zero spark, zero action, and way too much Netflix without the chill.
Unicorn hunting: The thrilling quest in the swinging world where couples seek that rare and elusive single woman to join their sensual adventures, like chasing rainbows for a pot of steamy gold! While enticing, it’s viewed as distasteful in the swinging lifestyle, as couples often try to wife-poach and lure the female half of a couple since unicorns are hard to find.