Jealousy in Swinging: Tame the Green-Eyed Monster
Jealousy in the swinger lifestyle? Promise, it happens to the best of us! But fear not—let’s break it down and turn those green-eyed feelings into fun with a dash of sass and a sprinkle of communication!
By: Kat Swings
So, you’ve decided to dip your toes into the thrilling world of swinging, and everything seems perfect. You’re feeling adventurous, excited, and ready to explore new experiences together. But then—BAM! Jealousy crashes the party like that uninvited ex who just can’t take a hint. Don’t worry; you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re doomed. Let’s talk about how to handle jealousy like a pro in the swinger lifestyle.
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
Acknowledge Your Feelings—Don’t Suppress Them!
First things first: jealousy is a totally normal emotion. Whether you’re new to swinging or a seasoned pro, it can rear its ugly head when you least expect it. The key? Acknowledge it! Pretending you’re not feeling jealous is like wearing blinders on a rollercoaster—just plain silly. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions; it’s all part of being human.
Communicate Like a Boss
Once you’ve admitted to yourself that you’re feeling a little green-eyed, it’s time to bring it up with your partner. Communication is the cornerstone of swinging, and if you can’t talk about your feelings, you’re setting yourself up for disaster. Find a comfortable moment to discuss how you’re feeling without blame or accusations. You might say, “Hey, I felt a twinge of jealousy when I saw you chatting with that couple. Can we talk about it?” Open dialogue not only helps you both understand each other but also strengthens your connection.
Set Boundaries Together
Every couple has different comfort levels, and setting clear boundaries is crucial in the swinging lifestyle. After you’ve talked about your feelings, it’s time to establish guidelines that work for both of you. Maybe you decide that physical touch is okay but full-on making out is off-limits, or perhaps you’re comfortable with flirting but want to limit certain types of interactions. Whatever it is, make sure you’re both on the same page. And remember, these boundaries can evolve as you gain more experience—just keep the lines of communication open!
Focus on the Positive
It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts, especially when jealousy kicks in. But shifting your focus can work wonders! Instead of fixating on what makes you feel insecure, remind yourself of the reasons you chose to explore swinging together. Think about the excitement of new experiences, the fun of meeting like-minded couples, and the fact that you’re doing this together. Celebrate the journey you’re on and the trust you’re building.
Remember the “Why” Behind Swinging
Jealousy often stems from insecurities or fears, so it’s important to reconnect with the “why” behind your decision to swing. Are you looking to explore fantasies together? Strengthen your bond? Add some spice to your relationship? Whatever your reasons, reminding yourselves of your shared goals can help put things in perspective. It’s not about replacing one another; it’s about enhancing your connection and exploring new territories together.
Have a Safe Word (Yes, Seriously)
No, this isn’t just for playtime! Establishing a safe word or phrase can be a game-changer in managing jealousy during swinging experiences. It’s a way to communicate when things are getting a little too intense or uncomfortable. If you’re feeling jealous or overwhelmed in the moment, using your safe word allows you both to pause and reassess the situation. It’s a simple but effective tool to keep emotions in check and maintain comfort levels.
Take a Break if Needed
If jealousy becomes overwhelming and starts to overshadow your swinging adventures, it might be time for a little breather. There’s no shame in stepping back to regroup, reassess, and refocus on your relationship. Sometimes, you just need to hit the reset button and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being.
💋 Happy swinging!
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Boundaries: The sexy line in the sand, ensuring everyone’s comfort and pleasure in the wild world of swinging. Personal limits or guidelines set by individuals or couples to define acceptable behavior, activities, or interactions within a relationship or sexual encounter.
Aftercare: The tender TLC and cuddles post-passion, because even the wildest nights need a gentle landing. This vital practice of providing emotional and physical support to partners after intense swinging or sexual activities, ensures partners’ well-being and nurturing their bond.