Whew, what a year it’s been! Let me tell you, if life is about living to the fullest, then swinging is about overfilling your cup—and splashing it everywhere. Our motto? We’re going hard, no brakes, skidding in on hubcaps, gas tank empty, screaming, “What a RIDE!” So buckle up while we spill all the juicy lessons we’ve learned in our first year in the lifestyle, the steamy encounters, and the outrageous moments from year one. Spoiler alert: this lifestyle is not for the faint of heart, but oh, is it worth it!! All this and more in the most recent episode of the Vanilla Swingers podcast.
From Voyeurs to... That Escalated Quickly
We thought we’d ease into this thing, maybe just sneak a peek and test the waters. Our debut at Paris’s Le Mask was supposed to be all about exhibitionism and voyeurism—you know, dip a toe in. But fast-forward 20 minutes and we’re smack in the middle of two couples, doing some very hands-on parallel play (is that a 🍆 in your hand, Kat?) And just like that, our “easy intro” became a full-on plunge into the deep end. Moral of the story? Plan all you want; the lifestyle laughs in the face of your “plans.”
Setting Standards: The Swinger Buffet Reality Check
At first, we were like kids at an all-you-can-eat buffet. You name it, we wanted a taste. It didn’t matter if it was brussel sprouts and liver! But here’s the thing: not everything is your flavor. And that’s okay! Over time, we realized it’s not about sampling every dish—it’s about knowing what you like, setting boundaries, and skipping the bland stuff. Preferences matter, and swinging is way more enjoyable when you embrace that.
NRE is Real... It Might Make You Start a Podcast
Oh, that new relationship energy! When we first started swinging, it was like someone turned the dial up to 100 on every sensation, and we were high on life. So naturally, we started a podcast. (Side note: isn’t that how every lifestyle podcast begins?) We couldn’t contain the excitement and had to share our wild ride with the world. And while that NRE eventually chills out, we’ve found our groove, both in the lifestyle and in podcasting. We’re in it for the long haul, baby! That is, unless we decide to burn it all to the ground. The choice is ours!
Threesomes, Foursomes, and Spaghetti Sex – Oh My!
In year one, we checked off all the biggies: MFM, MFF, MFMF—you name it, we’ve done it. The truth is, couple dynamics are… complicated. (Spoiler: we’re no exception!) Every relationship brings a whole lotta desires flying from all angles. But group play? Group play is our jam. It’s the ultimate “buffet,” where there’s something for everyone, with less commitment for us commitment-phobes. Plus, let’s be honest—sometimes more really is more.
Best Club Surprise: Les Chandelles in Paris
We hated the idea of snobby, exclusive swinger clubs. We thought, “Who needs that gatekeeping nonsense?” Then we walked into Les Chandelles—supposed home of the grumpy French proprietor with his nose in the air (spoiler: it’s all urban legend)—and were instantly hooked. The vibe was on point, the crowd was sexy, and the whole “dress to impress” thing? Totally worked for us. But you better bring the right shoes! Sometimes you need a bit of glam with your group play, who knew?
Hell No, Hell Yea, and Good Enough
If you’re anything like us—commitment-phobes to the core—you’ll end up noping out of a lot of quality MFMFs. Those MFers! We’ve gotten great at identifying the hell yeas and the hell nos, but when it comes to the “good-enoughs”? Not so much. We’re always on the lookout, scoping for the next shiny thing, thinking the grass might be greener on the other side. But honestly, we’ve probably missed some absolute gems by not jumping on those good-enoughs. Sometimes, the gold is right there—you just gotta stop overthinking and dive in.
Bliss Cruise & Resorts: Our Happy Place
Bliss Cruise is still hands-down our fave lifestyle event, but Caliente Resort came in a close second. We haven’t hit up Secrets, Hedonism, or Desire yet, but we now know resorts are 100% our speed. Cruises and resorts offer the perfect slow-burn atmosphere with no pressure to rush. You can get your sexy on at your own pace, without that “club’s closing in 3 hours” anxiety. Plus, where else can you skinny-dip with 6000 people and call it a Tuesday?
The Biggest Surprise? The Lifestyle is a Secret
Can we just say how mind-blowing it is that a year ago, we didn’t even know what the “lifestyle” was? Now we’re waist-deep in this super-secret, underground, sex-positive society, and we can’t imagine life any other way. It’s been the biggest spice to our relationship—think cayenne pepper with a side of sriracha. We’re like a couple of randy 20-somethings, and this ride? Oh, it’s just getting started!
Year Two Bucket List:
So what’s next? More group play? Another podcast episode? A little Hedonism, anyone? Wherever we end up, we’ll be skidding in, tires screeching, and loving every second of it, so sayeth Hunter S. Thompson:
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, ‘Wow! What a Ride!'”
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Swinging: The thrilling adventure of swapping partners with other couples. It’s all about shared pleasure, mutual consent, and diving into new, exciting sexual escapades together.
Exhibitionism: Putting on a show that would make Vegas blush, because why keep all that steamy action to yourself? The act of deriving sexual gratification from exposing one’s own body or engaging in sexual activities in front of others, often for the purpose of arousal or thrill.
Kink: The spicy seasoning of the swinging world, adding a dash of danger and a pinch of passion to every encounter. This term describes unconventional sexual preferences, practices, or fantasies that deviate from societal norms.
Lifestyle: More than just a hobby – it’s a way of life filled with passion, pleasure, and endless possibilities. The blanket term used to describe the swinging community and its associated practices, beliefs, and values, emphasizing consensual ethical non-monogamous relationships, open communication, and sexual exploration.
New relationship energy: The electric spark in a new romance that’s the sizzle in your step, the sparkle in your eye – when butterflies turn into fireworks and every touch sends shivers down your spine. The exhilarating and intense feeling experienced at the beginning of a sexual relationship, characterized by excitement, passion, and heightened emotional connection.
Parallel play: Side-by-side seduction for the ultimate tease, because sometimes watching is just as thrilling as doing. Couples engage in sexual activities with their respective partners in close proximity to other couples enjoying each other’s company while maintaining separate interactions.
Swingers Club: The playground of pleasure, where fantasies come to life and every night is a tantalizing adventure. A dedicated venue or establishment where individuals or couples within the swinging community gather to socialize, explore their sexuality, and engage in consensual sexual activities with other like-minded individuals.
Voyeurism: The art of peeking behind closed doors, where watching becomes the sexiest form of foreplay. A practice in which individuals derive sexual pleasure from observing others engaging in intimate activities.